You are working in the Alliance of Women in Slovakia…
Since August 2021 as a social worker.
What does your work involve?
Providing social counseling within the issues of gender-based violence, both remotely (by phone, email) and in person. It often involves long-term support for women throughout the entire process, from considering leaving to the conclusion of legal disputes with ex-husbands/ex-partners.
What do clients expect from cooperation with you, or from us as a helping organization?
They don’t always have a clear idea of what to expect; they just don’t feel well in their relationships and need to address it for various reasons. They expect us to guide them, support them, listen to them, and understand them, which doesn’t always happen in their regular interactions. However, there is a category of women who expect only legal advice.
If you can judge based on your own experience, is there a typical situation that leads women to us? If yes, what is it?
In my case, it’s mostly situations where violence in a relationship significantly affects the lives of women and their children, and the maternal need to protect the children is the impulse for seeking help.
When you first contact clients, what is their mood? And what is your initial concern at the very beginning of contact with them?
They are usually uncertain and doubtful, lacking trust and struggling to evaluate the situation correctly. They often ask whether what they are experiencing is violence or if it’s normal, and they need to get used to it. At the very beginning, I need to create a safe framework for collaboration so that the woman feels understood and accepted with what she is going through. She cannot experience judgment, doubt, or unsolicited advice from me. I always try to inject a bit of humor because positive emotion brings people closer. Of course, professionalism is essential, so the client knows that I can advocate for her.
Now, I’ll ask very practically: how does your work start, what constitutes its main content, how does it proceed, and when it ends, what is the reason for ending?
The beginning is usually the same, typically an initial phone call or email. I reassure the client that she has contacted the right place and that what she is dealing with is common for us. We discuss mutual expectations, what we can offer, and what she needs or wants. Some women expect only legal help and are not interested in sharing. On the other hand, some women don’t know what they want or need; they just feel bad and want to address it somehow. I usually work with them in a more extended framework.
However, with each client, I first have an initial meeting, preferably in person. If it’s not possible, we handle it by phone, email, or through Zoom, where the client tells me about her situation. Often, just by narrating her story, she discovers new perspectives on the situation. As part of these interventions, we help clients create a safety plan, minimize threats if they still live with the perpetrator, discuss options for leaving, and sometimes plan specific steps, which can take months. For some clients, we arrange crisis accommodation in a safe women’s shelter; for others, we help draft divorce proposals, provide legal advice on writing and submitting urgent measures, proposals for child custody, increasing child support. Some clients accompany to the police to file a criminal complaint against the perpetrator. Throughout all of this and the entire process, I provide emotional support, being available by phone every working day for 12 hours. These women are under tremendous psychological stress and pressure, needing to deal with violence in addition to their regular daily responsibilities with household, work, and children. In that, I try to be someone they can call and talk to about anything.
Collaboration ends differently; for women I support in the long term, it’s when the divorce is finalized, the children are entrusted to some form of care, the situation has calmed down, and the woman has more space to focus on herself, perhaps attending therapy or reading books and podcasts. Generally, it’s a good sign when they no longer feel the need to contact us.
In Trenčín, we offer the possibility for women to participate in a support group where they can share their process and story with other women. It helps some of them a lot; they can support and strengthen each other.
What do you consider success after finishing work with a client, and what, on the contrary, is something that still needs to be continued, or where and with whom?
As I mentioned earlier, success is when the client no longer needs to contact us, things have been resolved, the situation has improved—typically, when she has left the abuser, the children are functioning well, and she works on herself to avoid getting involved with an abuser again.
What has been the most challenging issue you have dealt with in your practice? (And did it help?) For me, it’s always very challenging to listen to women who have experienced psychological violence for years, often of significant proportions, and the terrible lack of understanding they face both from their close ones and in institutions. Since psychological violence isn’t visible, when a woman mentions it, people tend to trivialize it. Women come to me frustrated, unhappy, internally wounded, often believing it’s their fault. I can’t think of any specific extremely difficult case.
In your opinion, what is the fundamental help for the healing of a family from which a woman comes to us? Is it even possible to save families where violence occurs so that they can continue to function peacefully and safely?
I really don’t know. I believe in the power of psychotherapy, and I have hope and a vision that if both partners go in this direction and simultaneously involve the children, there is hope for healing the family. But I’m not aware that it works this way here.
What do you see as the biggest danger that victims of domestic violence, often including children, face, at least as witnesses, but not infrequently as direct victims of violence? How can children be helped?
This is a highly underestimated issue, and children are often forgotten in the whole process, contributing to the perpetuation of the cycle of violence. Because these relationship patterns are carried into their own relationships. A significant percentage of women tell me they come from dysfunctional families where there was either violence or addiction or both. They can certainly be helped with the sensitive approach of a skilled therapist, but often it doesn’t happen due to the lack of financial resources in the mother’s budget. I see it as extremely important to focus on this aspect.
Do you think that working with people (mostly men, but not only) who commit violence in families is a way to break the cycle of violence and its transmission from one potentially saved family to another?”
It is certainly one of the paths, but it is more like firefighting in the forest. It should definitely not be the main focus of solving this problem
Do you think that the contact with us and the assistance we provide to women can realistically help them start living a better life?
If I didn’t believe that, this work would make no sense to me. Just the fact that I meet someone who devotes their time to me, actively participates in my situation, and tries to understand me instead of questioning is always healing and can empower the woman to mobilize her strength. It often doesn’t have to be about specific actions; sometimes, humanity is enough.
We know that the Slovak parliament halted the ratification of the so-called Istanbul Convention. Do you consider it a mistake? If yes (no), why? And how can protection for women and children (as well as seniors and people with disabilities) be achieved from the perspective of our legislation without the protective umbrella of the Istanbul Convention? Do we have sufficient tools?
It is not within my capacity to understand and identify with the reasons why ratification was halted; I certainly consider it a very wrong and dangerous step.
Non-governmental organizations often fill the roles of the state, and working with women living in violent relationships, and their children, undoubtedly belongs to the ‘flagships of state interest’ in the well-being of people living in it (and paying taxes). In what do you see systemic possibilities to reverse this situation in favor of women, their children, and indeed their families, which Slovak politicians so vaguely adore and at the same time expose to violence, poverty, a flawed education system, alcohol, gambling, inequality, etc.?
Systemic possibilities are always such a demanding question that I don’t feel competent to answer; I try to do as much as I can from my position.
Is there anything in your work that constantly surprises you, whether positively or negatively? Indifference and inaction of those who should not be indifferent and inactive, just based on their position. And human cruelty.
If there is one thing that could help Slovakia with the issue of domestic violence, according to you, what is it? And do you think it is realistic?
Strengthening the bond in early childhood. Educating parents about its immense importance. That what happens to us as babies determines the kind of relationships we will enter and how we will behave in them.
Please, convey to people reading these lines what they can do for themselves if they need help, or what people who suspect domestic violence in their surroundings can do, would like to help but don’t know how.
Don’t be afraid. Don’t let yourself be intimidated, and don’t stay alone. There is always an option. Don’t hesitate to contact any organization; they already know where to direct you.”
Thank you.
Hana Fábry was asking
Aliancia žien Slovenska 